The Stoics know 4 rituals that will make you well-liked

The Stoics know 4 rituals that will make you well-likedThe Stoics know 4 rituals that will make you well-likedDo you want tohave better relationships? Well, you should definitely take some advice from the Stoics.I know, it sounds weird. Most people think of the Stoics as being emotionless - not exactly good examplesfor how to handle relationships.But thats a myth. The ancient Stoics were big on virtue, self-control and reducingnegativeemotions. And those are pretty good things if youre trying to be more likable.And their methods are backed by science. Stoicism was one of the inspirations for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is currently the dominant method for helping people overcome psychological issues.To get some answersI spoke to Massimo Pigliucci, a professor of philosophy at the City University of New York, and author of the new book,How to Be a Stoic Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Hap piness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreSo what can we learn about being likable from the ancient Stoics? Lets get to itNot MePlain and simple stop talking about yourself so much. Focus on the other person.Heres Stoic grandmasterEpictetusIn parties of conversation, avoid a frequent and excessive mention of your own actions and dangers. For, however agreeable it may be to yourself to mention the risks you have run, it is not equally agreeable toothers to hear your adventures.Yeah, talking about yourself feels good. In fact, research shows your brain finds it more rewarding than food or money.FromBarking Up the Wrong Tree The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) WrongNeuroscientist Diana Tamir found that your brain gets more pleasure from you talking about yourself than it does fromfood or money.But you want other people to enjoy your company, right? So shut up and letthemfeel good by talking about themselves.(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new bookhere.)Okay, so youre talking about yourself less. But how do the Stoics think you should handle difficult interactions - like when someone insults you?Practice Insult PacifismWhen somebody says youre dumb as a deutsche post ag,how do the Stoics think you should respond?You give me too much credit. Im alotstupider than a post.Heres Stoic hall-of-famerEpictetusagainIf anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer He was unbeleckt of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned behauptung alone.Yeah, the other person was mean. But whats the benefit of escalating things into an out-and-out fight? When people insult you, respond with self-deprecating humor.Also,there are longer term personal benefits to this. Not reacting harshly improves your self-control.And by ignoring the tone and just listening to the content of the insult, you might occasionally get some useful feedback on how to improve yourself.FromHow to Be a Stoic Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern LifeThe more you train yourself to endure insults the stronger you feel psychologically it is worth ignoring the cutting aspect of what she is saying in order to focus on what it is that she may have gotten right and that may have eluded you. There is no reason at all why insults, even when meant as such, cannot also be teaching moments for us.(To learn 6 rituals from ancient wisdom that will make you happy, clickhere.)So if someone insults you, youre just going to use self-deprecating humor. But what ifyourethe one saying something awful?How do you make sure you dont say something youll regret?Listen To The Angel On Your ShoulderWant to make sure you behave properly? Pretend someone you respect is standing behind you. Maybe its your grandma or a mentor of yours.Would you want to actlike a jerk in front of them? No.Heres MassimoSeneca feltyou shouldgo about your life thin king that there is someone looking over your shoulder. Basically, act likeyou always have to explain your actions tothis alter ego.Would you act like that in front of grandma? Then dont act like that at all.(To learn the 4 secrets to productivity from the Stoics, clickhere.)So how do you click with new people you meet? Warning this next one may feel a little weird. But its also a little heartwarmingTreat Everyone As FamilyMost of us see family as closer than friends and friends as closer than strangers. Understandable.But what if youtried to pull all three of those levels a little closer together and a little closer to you?Heres MassimoHierocles invited us to imagine a series of concentric circles with ourselves in the middle, then the next circle is our family, and then the next circle is our friends, then out of that there is our fellow citizens, and out of that our fellow countrymen, and finally all of humanity. Then he saidtomentally try to bring all of the external circles clos er to you. Meaning that you try to remind yourself that these are all human beings, that these are all people that you should actually care about just in the same way that you care about your family and your friends.Sounds nice in theory, right? But how do you actually put this into practice?You know how someguys say hello to theirmale friends with the words, Hey, brother?Well, the Stoics approve. And they think you should give it a try.Heres MassimoHieroclessaid you should go around addressing people of your same age as brothers and sisters, and people older than you as aunts and uncles. Itsa sort of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach to things. Its like you do that, you keep repeating this thing, and then gradually you actually feel like other people are your brothers and sisters, your uncles and aunts.Yeah, it might feel a little weird to call people brothers and sisters. But if you do it with a wry smile - cool like Fonzie - it can be a warm and fun way to draw yourself clo ser to othersAnd them closer to you.(To learn the 4 rituals from Stoicism that will make you mentally strong, clickhere.)Okay, weve learned a lot. Lets round it all upSum UpHere are the 4 rituals from Stoicism that will make you lovedNot meStop talking about yourself. Let me talk about me and Ill enjoy your company more. (Wow, this is more fun already.)Practice insult pacifismThis is the worst blog postIve ever written? Trust me, Ive writtenfarworse.Listen to the angel on your shoulderGrandma is watching, potty-mouth.Treat everyone as familyTreatpeople as your brothers and sisters and theyll likely reciprocate.Now is this going to turn you into Dale Carnegie overnight? No. But that wouldnt be a very Stoic expectation.They were big on practicing exercises to improve over time.Massimo paraphrased SenecaDont ask me to be perfect just ask me to be better than yesterday.If you talk less about yourself, laugh off insults, and act like grandma is watching, youll find that people will enjoy your company much more.Trust me, brother or sister.Join over 300,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Thisarticleoriginally appeared atBarking Up the Wrong Tree.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people